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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28333065">Angst | A Jily Fanfiction</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/jdescalzi/pseuds/jdescalzi'>jdescalzi</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>James Potter is a Good Friend, James Potter/Lily Evans Potter In Love, Multi, blackinnon, jily</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 02:33:28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,131</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28333065</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/jdescalzi/pseuds/jdescalzi</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>For both of them, old habits die hard.<br/>Lily shuts down James hard, but at what cost?<br/>And what happens in when they meet again for their seventh year as Head Girl and Boy? What will Lily do, when for the first time, James can't look her in the eye?</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Donna Shacklebolt/Lily Evans, James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Lily Evans Potter/Severus Snape, Marlene McKinnon/Lily Evans Potter, Mary Macdonald &amp; Marlene McKinnon &amp; Lily Evans Potter, Peter Pettigrew/James Potter, Remus Lupin/James Potter, Sirius Black &amp; Remus Lupin &amp; Peter Pettigrew &amp; James Potter, Sirius Black/James Potter, Sirius Black/Marlene McKinnon</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>27</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Angst | A Jily Fanfiction</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Okay, I didn't expect people to read this. Oh my. Thank you, I really appreciate it.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Lily was not fond of James Potter. She constantly watched her back in between classes, searching for the faintest sight of a brunette boy chasing her. Although nearly all of their classes were together, his knack for finding her in the corridors alone rivaled none other than Filch’s cat, Ms. Norris.<br/>
The end of year feast of her sixth year would occur this evening, and it couldn’t come sooner. James had picked up his attempts at a date over the past week, and even asked her when her friends surrounded her. The constant embarrassment never ceased, and some Slytherins had the audacity to mock her for it. 	Tired of being disrespected, Lily nearly skipped down the hall to her final class of the day, Transfiguration, where she would deliberately take the furthest seat away from James Potter.<br/>
</p>
<p>Nodding to Professor McGonagall, who she respected deeply, Lily gently placed her books on her desk with a gentle plop, and settled in to her chair, already searching for her favorite quill.<br/>
</p>
<p>Contrary to Lily Evans, James Potter walked in the classroom quite loudly. He, too, respected Minerva McGonagall, but showed his respect in an entirely different way. He bowed deeply, which to Lily seemed mocking, and exclaimed, “Your Majesty. Please forgive me for my loud entrance,” and at a peeved head nod from Professor McGonagall, thumped down into a desk not close to Lily, but not far.<br/>
</p>
<p>Lily’s lip curled distastefully as she squinted her eyes shut. If she couldn’t see him, he wasn’t there. With a slight smirk, she declared the phrase her new mantra.<br/>
The difference between the two ranged from height to far deeper things. While Lily, as everyone knows, is Muggle-born, James came from a long line of pureblood wizards, not that it meant anything to him. And while James tapped with the tips of his fingers, Lily tapped with the pads of her fingers, making considerably less noise, which really spoke to their personalities.<br/>
</p>
<p>Marlene McKinnon, a lifelong best friend of Lily’s, slid gracefully into the desk next to Lily’s. Marlene was the epitome of beauty and grace, with blonde-brownish hair past her shoulders, pouty lips, and a faint blush always decorating her cheeks. Comparatively, Lily believed herself to be uglier, with bright red hair and freckles littering her barely tanned cheeks. Months on a beach couldn’t bring any glow to her skin, and by now, she had accepted it.<br/>
</p>
<p>James disagreed strongly, with no disrespect to Lily, of course. His head swam when she made eye contact with him, and her ginger hair looked like it was spun out of silk. She smelled like roses and libraries (but not the musty kind), and her eyes lit up at the faintest mention of the Beatles. To him, she seemed to be born of the moon and was a deity he worshipped with every moment.<br/>
</p>
<p>After catching James (or Potter, as she called him), watching her twice, Lily fiercely refused to look in his direction for the duration of the period. Transfiguration danced by with McGonagall’s lecture, and soon, it came time for the feast, or as Lily believed, Doomsday. She knew, that as soon as she stepped out of the classroom, she set her fate. James Potter would ask her out.<br/>
No sooner than she took five steps in the corridor, James called her name from the doorway. His best friends behind him, “the Mauraders.” Remus Lupin, Sirius Black, and Peter Pettigrew waved with gusto.<br/>
</p>
<p>Lily sighed, while Marlene perked up. James was her cousin, and although James was the peak of annoyance, Marlene loved him dearly (but she was also happy for another reason).<br/>
</p>
<p>Turning around to face her worst fear, Lily cringed and her shoulders tensed. To state it clearly, she was not in the mood today. Being completely honest.<br/>
</p>
<p>James bounded over to them, smiling brightly the whole bloody way. His hair bounced against his forehead, wavy enough to be called curly. He nodded at Marlene, who smiled back, and then, to Lily’s disappointment, turned directly to her. His eyes swept over her face, dulling slightly at the sight of her drastically annoyed expression, but brightened in the next moment.<br/>
</p>
<p>“Evans,” he stated, suddenly serious. Leaning forward, eyes wide, hand on his heart, and with raised eyebrows, he continued: “I promise this will be the last time, forever, but will you please give me a chance and go-”<br/>
</p>
<p>He was cut off by an enraged Lily Evans. “Honestly! The audacity! You, James Potter, disgust me! You are cruel,” Lily started to list all the reasons why she didn’t like James, “arrogant, disrespectful, naive, callous, untrustworthy, a liar, vulgar, and patronizing! I’m done with it,” she screamed. Her arms crossed and she ran her hand through her hair excessively.<br/>
</p>
<p>James opened his mouth to respond, rubbing his throat, probably ready with some rude comment that Lily didn’t care to hear (it was actually an acceptance of defeat).<br/>
</p>
<p>But, she continued. “I honestly couldn’t care less about Quidditch or how you are ‘apparently,’” she signed air quotes there, “’ best Chaser Gryffindor has ever seen’ because you probably aren’t. You are just egotistic! And honestly, when Dumbledore came to me, asking who he should choose for Quidditch captain for next year, I said anybody but you!”<br/>
</p>
<p>Shocked silence decorated the hall. Sirius Black snuck a glance at Marlene, who seemed to be avoiding everyone’s eyes. While Lily stared right at James, James’s eyes remained firmly on the floor. Lily sailed right past the point of mercy and chose to scream: “Why can’t you listen to a single thing I say?!”<br/>
</p>
<p>When she finally looked truly at James, she noticed his apparent pain. While he bit his cheek and took progressively quicker and quicker breaths, Lily took her first. For a moment, Lily’s cocky smile came out, proud she had finally put him in his place. But then, after analyzing his reaction further Lily realized she said too much, but it was too late. There was nothing she could do.<br/>
</p>
<p>With a sniffle, he brushed past her, hitting her shoulder in his hasty exit out. Her head turned to watch him leave. Emotion? From Potter? She almost laughed at the thought, however cruel it was. He laughed at her in her worst moments, and now she sought to return the favor.<br/>
</p>
<p>But as Remus similarity brushed past her, Lily turned back to face Sirius, Peter, and a very quiet Marlene.<br/>
</p>
<p>Sirius Black, now thoroughly pissed, turned on a regretful Lily, who for once, thought James might be different than he lets on.<br/>
“See! This is why we tell him to get over you, Lily! Don’t you see the things he does to impress you! He thinks a million people are better than him and that’s why he doesn’t flaunt that statistic to anyone else. If you actually noticed, he is the best Quidditch Chaser Gryffindor has ever seen! He makes himself seem big, but have you ever thought that maybe he feels small?” Sirius stabbed a finger towards her chest.<br/>
</p>
<p>Lily wanted to recoil into a small hole. “That maybe he tries to act big around you so you give him a chance? Do you think about what he does for the people not invited to the Slughorn parties even though he’s invited himself? The people he tutors? All the times he’s helped the rest of us make-up work and get through the day when we don’t feel up to it? He buys his mum flowers! He’s not a bloody bad guy and I hope that you realize what you’ve fucking missed Lily Evans! Don’t come near him, or the fucking rest of us,” he spat the final sentence at a teary-eyed Lily. “Now, I have to go pick up the pieces of his heart, that you’ve just broken. In one minute, you’ve single-handedly mentioned every single one of his insecurities! What a talent, amirite, Wormy?”<br/>
</p>
<p>Peter Pettigrew followed after a fuming Sirius, hands in his pockets, and whispered as he passed, “bitch-move, Lily. Thought you were better than that.”<br/>
</p>
<p>Even Marlene’s eyes looked cold. “You’ve screwed up this time, Lily. I’ll be waiting with Dorcas, Mary, and Alice in the Great Hall. You are going to be the one to tell them about this. Own up to your actions.” Marlene’s fingers dug into her palms.<br/>
</p>
<p>And with a wave of her cloak, Marlene was off down the corridor, leaving Lily standing alone in the large hall. No James Potter with a gimmick would jump out at her now. And she rushed down the hall, not knowing what to do with herself now that she had dug herself into his hall. She felt like falling down and just sitting, but she valued her reputation far more than that. Her pride suffered momentarily, but her friends would understand. Marlene simply was a little bias in Potter’s favor, and that was that.<br/>
</p>
<p>But after explaining to Dorcas, Mary, and Alice, triplet disappointed glances stared back at her.<br/>
</p>
<p>“Wow.”<br/>
</p>
<p>“Not cool, Lily.”<br/>
</p>
<p>“You know he’s been in love with you.”<br/>
</p>
<p>Four heads whipped towards an innocent Dorcas. She shrugged, “it’s true. I’m not going to lie. Lily was too naive to see, but let’s be honest, we all knew. Lily, sweetie, you always complain about being embarrassed about James’s attempts, but did you ever think about how he felt? How he felt, being rejected over and over again, by a girl that he’s asked out hundreds of times? Have you ever watched him after you say ‘no’? Haven’t you ever seen his friends comfort him? Or the countless girls he’s turned down for you? Or-”<br/>
</p>
<p>“Enough,” Lily interrupted, “I am starting to get a headache-”<br/>
</p>
<p>“No!” Donna exclaimed, “serves you right! The boy has fought on your behalf against Death Eaters! He’s been to the Hospital Wing because he’s protecting you! Ever wondered why you haven’t been called the m-word in the past year after your bestie Severus Snape cursed you out?”<br/>
</p>
<p>Stuttered excuses tried to form in Lily’s mouth, but no words could describe the pain she felt at this moment. While James Potter was no saint, neither was she. And now, at Donna’s jurisdiction, Lily felt humbled. She wasn’t above a date to Hogsmeade. And she was ready to tell him yet.<br/>
Clambering out of her seat, Lily dashed for the portrait hole. Stuttering a password to the Fat Lady, who commented something about young people in love, she made for the Marauder's dorm.<br/>
</p>
<p>But, like earlier, she was too late. Her knock was answered by Remus Lupin, who for the first time ever, stepped into the tight hall instead of letting her enter the dorm.<br/>
</p>
<p>Shocked into silence, Remus prompted her with a lift of his eyebrows.<br/>
</p>
<p>Lily composed herself with a deep breath, and then muttered at a volume nearly impossible for Remus to hear, “I need to apologize.”<br/>
</p>
<p>Remus, with his keen senses, shook his head firmly. “Lily, I won’t cuss you out, or call you a bitch, but I refuse to let you talk to James right now. I may be more dignified than the others, but that doesn’t refrain from me telling you to fuck off and leave James alone. I’m tired of your bullshit, honestly, and although you’re a great friend, James has done unspeakable things for me. Things that could place him in Azkaban just so I could sleep at night. My loyalty is to him, and so, I refuse to let you in. If you hex me, I will not restrain myself, and although you may be good at Charms, Sirius and Peter are also listening in and will put you in the Hospital Wing before I can hex you myself. So I kindly suggest, or not so kindly, that you retreat back into your shell.”<br/>
</p>
<p>Refusing to be put down, Lily’s eyes narrowed. Unused to this side of Remus, she began, “I have a right-“<br/>
</p>
<p>“You have no right! He is not yours! You are hurting him!”<br/>
</p>
<p>“It’s not like he’s crying about it! You guys get over it now! He’s fine.” Lily’s arms crossed as she stared Remus Lupin dead in the eyes.<br/>
</p>
<p>And with a coldness that only Remus Lupin could reach, he pointed to the stairway back downstairs. “Get the fuck away from us. And him. You will never ever deserve James Potter.”<br/>
</p>
<p>Unknown to Lily, James sat huddled on his bed, Invisibility Cloak on, crying silently at the things she had said. He couldn’t think of her name without tearing up, so now, to the Marauders, Lily was now “she.” This leads to the first summer where Tia and Charles did not hear about a certain Lily Evans, but rather a shocking silence from their one and only biological son.<br/>
</p>
<p>Their adopted son, Sirius, refused to comment.</p>
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